Pour Me...

why are there so many songs about rainbows?

2008-05-01T09:46:00.001-05:00

thank you edsbs.

It begins...

2008-04-28T09:08:00.001-05:00

i've missed you so much.

Alone with my castle

2008-04-24T20:34:00.003-05:00

Its traveling season again and tonight I find myself in Fenton, Missouri. The weather and scenery are really nice, but that's not what this is about. Next door to my hotel is a White Castle!

I've only eaten White Castle in my life and the experience left me a little ill. Diggler and I were only able to eat 2 each (Cartmen had 16). Anywho, that was before a movie added to the food chains credibility... at least for entertainment purposes, so I felt obliged to try the food one more time. So here is my opinion of what I ordered:

The Classic White Castle Burger - the original, finished in two bites, was good with both and without ketchup.
The Cheese Burger - just as good as the original, but with the greasy goodness of government grad cheese
The Jalepeno Cheese Burger - little chopped up peices of jalepeno make it a spicy, yet flavorful snack for anytime, day or night
French Fries - nothing to write home about, but good enough to include in a blog entry
Chicken Rings - a miracle of the processed food era, these donuts of poultry taste fantastic... mainly if you add honey mustard (no BBQ sauce at this location) and the perfect end to a well balanced meal

Of course it may have helped that I was drinking a local beer - Schlafley No. 15 - a bitter, strangley refreshing brew. Then again, I beleive a great Burger Shack employee said it best: "if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... just makes me want to burn this motherfucker down. Come on, Pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down!"

our worst fears have been confirmed

2008-04-22T09:58:00.002-05:00

maybe a joke for 4/20?

wizardry and nooses.

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL2290323220080422

No soup for you.

2008-04-22T09:57:00.002-05:00

grand central

2008-04-08T14:40:00.002-05:00

google just bought up a new company that looks to make some waves in the phone industry. it makes it so that you can link all your phones to a single number that you can pull from the service just like an email address. you can then set up call screening and voicemail for all of your phone numbers and have them deliver messages by time of day or week.

takeaway: you can set it up so you cant get calls before 10 on saturday morning or on drinking nights, and you dont have to carry more than one phone.

if only it had the power to stop drunk dials it would be golden.

Grand Central

out of the army

2008-04-07T16:13:00.002-05:00

my active time was about 9 months longer than anticipated, but my inactive reserve time passed with no excitment. i am now fully out of the military's inactive reserve system.

huzzah!

night of the lepus

2008-04-03T09:51:00.000-05:00

could this be the location of the rabbit wrangler??

thank you brother's siy

2008-04-03T09:26:00.002-05:00

-for letting me sleep on you couch and play sega.
and of course for this beautiful tshirt.

60 car pileup

2008-03-12T13:22:00.003-05:00

In a scene that previously only could have come out of a michael bay movie, abu dhabi had a 60 vehicle pileup that included atleast 6 buses. if there is video of this i guaran-damn-tee that there is a fox commercial coming up. it will probably air right after when animals attack 15.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/babylonbeyond/2008/03/united-arab-e-2.html

nirvana

2008-03-07T10:30:00.003-06:00

to say that i was pretty excited about the combination of bacon and salt would be an understatement. it would also be inaccurate to describe that as the best find of the last week. a couple weeks ago i watched "the king of kong" a documentary on the world champion of donkey kong and have since had a urge to play. i got my chance on a proper arcade box yesterday and promptly got reamed as anyone who has ever played the game knows it is rediculously hard. that being the case all of those old games are much more fun in the arcade setting so i did some searching for a arcade box and lo and behold i found the combination of two more golden pillars of my existence.

Beer and Video games in one box -- gamerator

-there are even cup holders on this thing. im in love.

for love of the bongo burger

2008-02-28T16:35:00.004-06:00

Once upon a time i had a brilliant idea to make a cookbook. it would not include original recipes or family secrets, but instead be based on a single infallible principle that is one of the cornerstones of american cuisine. Everything is better with bacon and cheese.

-soup
-hamburgers
-grits
-sushi
-captain crunch

60% of the time it works all the time.

Alas i think the steam has been kicked out of my sails by some gentlemen who are much greater than I. For all the joy that "bass's B&C cookbook" could have brought it pails in comparison to Bacon Salt.

salt + bacon = why didnt i come up with this, why didn't deuce come up with this?

Death of a Six-Pack

2008-02-21T10:17:00.003-06:00

One time I killed a six-pack... just to watch it die.

That would be Valentine's Day this year. I spent it at work in wonderful Sulphur, LA where the only thing taller than the swamp trees are the exhaust towers spouting flames into the sky day and night. I know a sixer isn't much, but after a 13-hour day, and another coming up, its not bad.

I wonder if we can start a big-game-esqe hunting club where each bottle or can counts as a point? If so, then I had an easy night and got a six-pointer. It's not the best trophy, but its a start.

NXNW Mug Club

2008-02-21T09:57:00.003-06:00

Michelle is awesome! For Christmas she bought me a membership to the NXNW Mug Club. Membership comes with a personalized 20 oz mug, discounts on pints and growlers at the bar, Beer School (of which I've already graduated Magna-Cum-Drunky from Anheuser-Busch's at Sea World), and other fun events. The membership fee is a one-time deal and is good forever. So let me know if you wanna get a pint some time.

Mmmmmmmmmmm, tasty!

Victory Libations! for the win

2008-02-12T15:19:00.000-06:00

That should paint the picture for the #12 Longhorns vs #3 Kansas at UT this past Monday night (2/11/08). Once again, it was a battle. Once again we were struggling in the second half. Once again, C-Bass brought up Victory Whiskey (by phone).

But, alas, there was no whiskey to be had where I was, so I had the next nearest thing. Apparently sacremental wine works just as well. Hook'em Horns baby; 72 to 69 (the loooove number)

I think that score deserves a Seimens trophy. It just sounds funny.

aztek

2008-02-11T16:45:00.000-06:00

The pontiac aztek came out a couples years back trying to cater to the college crowd.
In that vein of thought, the "what would you do for a pontiac" advertising campaign was used for roughly a year. Some of these commercials where filmed right outside the UT campus on the drag and they pulled some students away from their walk home to film some spots.

I was lucky enough to be asked what I would do for the car, as a preparatory run to see if I should be in a commercial and have a chance at winning a car, I was unlucky enough to have never seen the advertisement before and thus have no idea what the hell was happening.

Q: "what would you do for this pontiac?"
A: "why would I want to drive that wretched car?"

Result: I didn't get a car or face time on the tv, and I spent two weeks telling people about the pervert that offered me a car before I actually saw the commercial.

In a related note this vehicle sold and awe inspiring 25 units last year.

Victory Whiskey! for the win

2008-02-11T16:17:00.000-06:00

This weekend UT played the mighty Iowa State Cyclones/Cardinals in NCAA Men's Basketball. The game had a 2:30pm tip-off so I called C-Bass around 1 to see if he wanted to watch the game. As it turns out, he and his wife were already drinking at a wine tasting. He said he was recording the game and Michelle and I should come by later and watch the game.

So, around 7:30pm Michelle and I head over to Bass's house to watch the Horns... and I had refused to look at the final score so the experience would be genuine. The game was rough going. The 3-point deficit we had going into half-time exploded to a twelve point lead for the Cyclones/Cardinals at the beginning of the second half. To counteract the suckitude that was plaguing our team, C-Bass suggested the supersticious intoxicant "Victory Whiskey." How could I turn it down. It has worked so many times before. The 2007 Holiday Bowl, the 2005 Rose Bowl, and countless smaller games. A shot for the second half and another shot for overtime and the Horns won!

As Bass and I were discussing the amazing powers of Victory Whiskey, I came to a realization: the game ended more than 7 hours previous to our shots. The only answer: Victory Whiskey can defy the laws of modern physics. I think that if mankind will ever travel through time, Victory Whuiskey is one of the key ingredients. Even if it won't take you back, enough of it will make you wake up after plenty of time has passed you by.

Of weddings and omens

2008-02-06T13:06:00.000-06:00

This weekend Mr. and Mrs. Bass joined me and Michelle for a trip up to Fort Worth for the wedding of Christopher Carr Dell'Accio to Koutney Miller. I knew the fraternity turn out would be good for this occasion, but it exceeded my expectations.

Let me see; both Presnell brothers, Tito, Hemme, Scooter, Al, Steve, Wally, Me, Ken, Virgil, Arfeo, Waldo, Mango, C-Bass, and Vince were there. The David Alan Coe circle hasn't been that full in half a decade!

The bar was well stocked with beer (until we drank it all) and the stories were a'flyin'. I even did the worm on the dance floor, until I busted my chin and decided to stop. After the wedding, we all hiked a couple of blocks to te wedding party's hotel and continued to drink in the bar there. We left before the night got completely crazy and headed back to Austin. That we were able to make it back to Austin is thanks to my wonderful bride-to-be (thanks babe!).

Speaking of my wedding, I received five separate prophetical remarks concerning pantlessness at my wedding. I even had a guy I had never met before say the same thing to me. I'm slightly worried, but if everything goes as I hope at my reception, no pants will be the least of the shinnanigans.

Congratulations Kourtney and Chris! And come July 3rd, I'll be waiting for prophecies to come true.

Elway's liver

2008-01-29T16:53:00.000-06:00

Congrats to vince on his move up to denver. i was apparently fully out of the loop on that one, and was kind of confused at why he would move away from texas. Then the gods of mens health blessed me with the knowledge. Austin, always a favorite city of the man was recently listed as the the seventh drunkest city in the nation. A respectable number to say the least, but who takes the national championship??? You guessed it Denver, Colorado.

http://www.menshealth.com/drunk/

the judge

2008-01-24T09:48:00.000-06:00

baylor takes down aggie on their home turf in quintuple overtime.
hahahhahaha poor aggies. I dont know what hurts them more the loss of law or gillespie, either way im looking forward to texas taking out some football based aggression on the court. On the football side of things UT just upped greg davis' salary again, thus proving that despite the appearance of the major he wont be going anywhere in the foreseeable future.

BearMeat

from damascus with love

2008-01-23T10:04:00.000-06:00

Just got done tearing up assassins creed. The game was definitely one of the most beautiful i have ever played. The free running in the game was awsome, i cant imagine the amount of work it took to make so much of the game jumpable/climbable. I wouldnt recommend buying the game though, following a growing trend among games it can be completed in a couple of days, and it really doesnt have an online contingent that makes it worth owning. It should be a good indicator or what the stealth genre can develop into in the next couple years. I can't wait for the next metal gear and tenchu to come out. Should be hours of shadows,death, and swordplay.

I read a story a while back that the games are getting shorter because research has shown that nearly half of the people that play never get close to the end. I believe that it was based on half life 2 which only has about 4-5 hours of play. It seems really odd to me especially with how story driven games have become. It would be like walking out of a movie that you paid 60.00 to see. Although i think that the finishing of games is probably something that was ingrained in me early, i remember not being able to purchase new nintendo games until i beat the one i had.

truckasaurus

2008-01-21T15:53:00.000-06:00

Sadly the offer of my soul and firstborn was not enough for barret jackson. Apparently the combined value for both is only about 6.75 and I already had a note out on my soul for the 2005 longhorn team. That aside, if you were wondering how much a truck eating dinosaur runs in the open market it’s a touch under 600k.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

1300am

2008-01-18T11:54:00.000-06:00

More than once, while watching sports someone (usually cody) has tried to line up the local radio sports commentary with the game on television. With the increase in bandwidth as television attempts to push more channels and higher definition feeds to us, I don’t see why we shouldn’t eventually have the option for different audio feeds. Besides the obvious technical difficulties, there is of course the bigger problem which revolves around advertising.

If the television station where to pay the locals for use of their commentary, and were the distributors it seems they would be free to cut to their commercials the same as they currently do. So they wouldn’t be loosing advertising time slots, and if this were really popular they may even be able leverage some pay cuts to those two bit hacks like mark may. The AM stations should make some extra bucks off the tv deals while still retaining their radio only advertising they are already receiving. Seems like a win win.

on another bonus from this situation, when you are watching "teen wolf" for the 45th time on TBS, at least you could switch over to the directors commentary, or maybe the mystery science theater voiceover

the good dr.

2008-01-17T14:13:00.000-06:00

whisky and revenge
what hero may light the path
mcgillicutty

less than a month till i head north.

hp

2008-01-17T09:31:00.000-06:00

There has been some serious prick waving the auto industry the past couple years and the outcome has been awe inspiring. A couple years back when the new model of the corvette the c6 came out the z06 option jumped the horsepower up to 505 which just happens to be a smidgen more than the viper. This of course caused dodge the up the ante with an even bigger engine and an full 600 hp at the flywheel. Not to be outdone the new corvette zr1 is coming in at over 625. The vehicle is ridiculous, and while no means cheap 100k is a really low price compared to the imports.

along the same theme the new hayabusa is out and is even faster. suzuki also came out with a naked version that is awesome.

back

2008-01-16T15:57:00.000-06:00

Its been a little while. I changed jobs around October and have been seriously swamped at work. I now have most of the groundwork setup and am rockin and rollin. Should be able to post a little more.

two things I miss from my old job
-beer Friday, man I miss free beer on the job.
-my blackberry, I had about of month of withdraws from my digital leash, now I just cant fathom paying that much for the data plan on my phone.

-watched the first half of the michigan state vs ohio state game yesterday. I cant believe those ass clowns beat us. It was absolutely horrible. I saw no less than 3 kickball violations in a 10 minutes span. the big 11 needs a new motto, probably something to do with old people screwing. "slow and ugly brought to you by the mid-west"

-football jesus has returned to austin, long live the major!

Mmmmm, Alchemy is tasty!

2007-09-07T15:59:00.000-05:00

Last night, after an afternoon of painting and furniture arranging, I headed out to my esteemed watering hole. Some of the usual crowd was there; my former roommates and a myriad of band club shirts. After schmoozing with the youngin's for a while, they were in need of another pitcher. I offered my services as any good alumni should and headed to the bar to replenish our refreshments.

Now the order was for Bud Light, but that was poo-pooed by the staff. I actually thought they were going to think less of me had I stuck with the order. Then one of them made a proposition; a challenge, if you will, to test the science of beer drinking. He dared me to purchase a pitcher of Lonestar ($6.00), accompany it with a bowl of limes, and pawn it off as pitcher of Dos Equis ($10.50). For those of you equation-based thinkers:

So out I come with a pitcher and limes. I tell the crowd its Dos Equis. The gratitude of the undergrads is apparent as they go to fill their cups Hungry-Hippo style. Then come the oohs' and aah's and oh-that-tastes-good's. I was able to procure a half-cup for myself and I gotta say it was pretty darn good. Later, I returned to the bar to boast of my scientific discovery before heading home for the evening.

No one seemed to be the wiser to their participation in my experiment. This would usually mean a success, but then I started considering the variables. Perhaps the young pallates were too inexperienced or inhebriated to distinguish an import from a cheap domestic. Perhaps limes change the flavors of all light-colored beers to taste alike. Perhaps this was a success because the keg was aged properly. The only way I can come to a final conclusion is more research... extensive research... and limes.

While you were away...

2007-06-24T11:32:00.000-05:00

While I was "hangin' with the smart kids" during my rolling roadshow of Texas (Austin to Houston to Austin to Burnet to houston to Austin) there was another event that involved me only in a third-party kind of involvement. While I was off drinking poolside with the geniuses, people were at my house drinking my Guinesses.

Saturday night (5/26/07) was UFC 71. Now, C-Bass being the ever vigilant UFC fan as he is asked if he could watch the Pay-per-View event at my place. I agreed, ordered the show, and set up the DVR to record it as he and some of our fraternity brothers watched the fights. I was happy to be hospitable, but I was a little scared of my house going from nice to not:

I was quite relieved when I got home and found it nicely maintained. That wasn't the only thing I found either. There was money paying for the pay-per-view on my bed and this little souvenir in the fridge:

I mean what can you say about guys like dese? I'm glad everyone had a good time. I finally got to watch the fights on Monday and because everyone should see what I saw, here is the link to watch the fight.

Staples... that was easy

2007-06-23T15:48:00.000-05:00

And the day seemed to be going so well: I woke up, went to work, went and did my GPR scans near campus, met up with the guys for Bunch Lunch, and went back to a boss-less office. After I got all my paperwork stuff taken care of, I decided to rearrange my office (so you can't see my monitor from the hall). Anyways, while I'm moving my desk I heard a loud crash. Then I realized it came from my head. When I touched my head and brought back some bloody fingers I decided to ask if someone would drive me to the minor emergency center. A couple shots and staples later I was back at the office to finish up my day. "What did it look like?" you ask, well let me show you:

But you should see the other guy: (notice the curvature of my head where it hit me?)

So what did we learn from this kiddos? Don't get hurt so you can drink on Friday nights when friends come into town.

brewmen

2007-06-21T15:29:00.000-05:00

The previous pen and paper exploits of brewmen will soon be making its way to the world wide web. After a 2 year hiatus, me and codimus got ourselves some shitty beer and a shittier movie and combined our powers for a night of derisive comedy. What is brewmen you ask. It’s a beer/movie rating system based on loosely on the mst3k and shame/failure. Beers are given a rating in 1 to 3 kegs and movies are rarely deserving of anything other than scorn. This week’s ratings should be posted tomorrow, I was too busy puking this morning to get the requisite beer bottle picture for the post.

The following video is for cody, because he will appreciate it more than any other viewer of this blog.

the bar

2007-06-20T14:44:00.000-05:00

I believe my truck has now nearly paid for itself, from the many home depot runs to the recovery of a treasured pool table. Yesterday i moved a bar, and by a bar i mean "the bar" the behemoth that's so tall that girls need heels just to see where their drink is located, and so sturdy that Marshall has confidently danced on top. Now located with one of it's proud architects the beast will live on… as soon as we find a tap.

chi phi roll

2007-06-18T22:30:00.000-05:00

we couldn't let the old girl go, so thanks to a couple hard working a bro's and a sweet new hernia the table has found a new home.

Comrade Optimus

2007-06-06T17:55:00.000-05:00

Just caught this picture without an explanation attached except for the information that it came from Russia.

Comrade Optimus?
Road Warrior part dos?

Only good things can come of such a monstrosity. Maybe this is what it takes to protect vodka shipments from the Kosaks these days.

durant

2007-06-06T15:23:00.001-05:00

In unrelated news cody can bench press more than kevin durant, Rick Barnes has went on to state

"If people question his strength, they're stupid," Texas' Rick Barnes said Tuesday, according to The Dallas Morning News. "If they are looking for weight lifters to come out of Texas, that's not what we're producing. There are a lot of guys who can bench press 300 pounds in the NBA who couldn't play dead in a cowboy movie. Kevin's the best player in the draft -- period, at any position."

I dare the sonics to pass.

kitchen

2007-06-04T12:39:00.000-05:00

I dont know how many of you saw my old house, needless to say it had not been updated much since its construction in 1960. Here is a pic of what is developing into a kitchen that doesn't look like nearly as shitty as it did last month. It is now worthy of the icehouse it contains.

UFC 75

2007-06-04T11:56:00.000-05:00

As many of you know i am big fan of the UFC, here is the preview for one of the top events this year. Its a good buildup to the fight, with some deep fighter backgrounds.

Hangin' with the smart kids

2007-06-02T10:51:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, during my rolling roadshow tour of Texas (Austin to Houston to Austin to Burnet to houston to Austin) I was at Ross's mom's house near Camp Longhorn just outside of Burnet, TX. Michelle and I were there for a Ross's birthday dinner, along with some of his close friends.

As I do at all parties, I started telling stories. One of my favorites, at least when I'm standing next to a pool and jacuzzi, is from back in high school. Now the guys I'm relating my little tale to, Ben and Brendan, are very cerebral gentlemen. Let's just say they could join Mensa in a heartbeat... if they weren't already in it (guys?). So anyways, I'm telling the story about how my friend left his pool heater on the night before he had a party and when he woke up the pool was about 110-degrees. At this point, Ben looks at me in amazement and says, "Wow! It was boiling?!" To which Brendan had replied, "Farenheit, dude. Farenheit."

Now, this is a response that took me a little aback. This was the first time I have ever had to explain what temperature scale I was using during my story. I have never felt like people I was telling my story to were on a higher level more so than at that moment, and you know what, I thought it was kind of cool. I'm sure its one of those nerdy, Peter Parker kinds of cool, (but not Emo Peter), but I appreciated it.

Of course after finishing the story everything reverted back to fart jokes as our collective level of intoxication increased; sharply so upon the arrival of Mauri & Ray. The rest of the night was pretty fun: more stories, jokes, and a short-circuiting power line that showered sparks and caused brown-outs. I think I heard one of my favorite drinking stories ever from Brendan in which he and two other grad students were drinking on the roof of a bar and suddenly the other two grad students dissappeared as the roof gave way, on either side of Brendan. Great story. But I still can't beleive I had to explain I wasn't talking in metric units. Fellas, I salute you.

i pity the fool that drinks a twelver and finds clippers

2007-06-01T22:05:00.001-05:00

Robbery

2007-02-22T13:39:00.000-06:00

A couple weeks ago i got a call that my old house had been broken into. There was apparently a news story about the incident, after which some friends called us to ask about the event. Now by this time we had been moved out of the house for a little while and were into our new house up north. Most of our valuables had been moved but definitely not everything. Most specifically I had a lot of my military gear including body armor still in the house.

So like a red blooded Texan, i armed my self and drove to the house that had reportedly been ransacked. I was blazing mad that i hadn't been contacted by the police about the incident.

I slid into the driveway went through the front door (which had apparently not been the entry point) with my shotgun in hand and cleared the house room by room. I didn't find anything wrong with the place and found no broken windows or kicked in doors. What little stuff i had at the house was untouched. There definitely was not a robbery at the place and i was very confused.

Long story shortened, there is a difference between a robbery occurring at 2500 oak st. and on the 2500 block of oak st. My neighbors got hosed, not only did they get robbed they got to see their neighbor enter his house like he was on the SWAT team and walk out with vest and helmet.

Predator

2007-02-20T13:01:00.000-06:00

Don "The Predator" Frye, a man renown for one of the world's greatest mustaches, has recently added another line to his stunning resume.

-UFC Champion
-Pride Fighting Championship competitor
-Star of Godzilla films
-Japanese Pro-Wrestling star
-Advice Columnist?
Frye is now penning a column for the IFL helping out the dear abby crowd
my favorite line so far-

"When she comes over to your house you give her the wine and the chocolates. Watch how excited she gets. Once she’s in a good mood you give her two choices: either go out to a strip club or stay in and some watch some fights.

Either way, it should be a pretty good night."

Timeless advice

Here a clip of the man in action.

Giver

2007-02-16T14:54:00.000-06:00

I'm not in what would be described as a giving stage of my life. At least in the monetary sense of the word. My personal donations at best are contributions to my own retirement rather than orphans. I don't feel bad about this for many reasons, one of which is my vehicle doesn't have automatic locks or windows. If I am too cheap to buy these things for myself you really shouldn't expect much out of my scrooge ass.

And on that note for people who have evolved past my present situation. I found a really awesome website recently Donors Choose. It sets specific donations to help out teachers. It doesn't go to a school budget or through any other feeder. Its like a donation to a single classroom for a computer or a blackboard. It is also configurable to assign where you are sending the donation, so you can support the local booger-pickers so maybe they wont steal your car in 10 years. The amount of money is low but is much more specific and meaningful to the giver and the receiver.

Like i said before i wont be giving any money, but if you know people who are looking for a tax write off or maybe a teacher who needs some help for the classroom pass it along.

Head-On

2007-02-15T10:16:00.000-06:00

Well for my initial post i would like to first thank, the beer man for accepting my application for internship, despite the misspelled words and one mustard stain of unknown origin.

I will start this new era with a an ovation to something that i love and admire, "a good head butt"

Normally reserved for cheap shots artists and Scotsman, the Glasgow kiss has a warm spot deep in the cockles maybe even the sub cockles of my heart.
To learn proper form on the headbutt please head on over to slate where the explainer piece describes correct form and follow through.

I would like to finish this piece with the most famous head butt of recent memory that made me smile and almost give Zidane credit for the 2002 cup win.

Pardon me while I whip this out

2007-02-06T14:02:00.000-06:00

So last Friday (2/2/07) I got a group together for my annual dose of Spike & Mike's Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation. For the past couple of years I have been getting groups together to grab some beers and laughs while watching crude, lascivious, and often violent cartoons. This year the group was made up of myself, Michelle (my bu), Lindsey, Shan, Megan, Kacie, and Anthony. Before every show, the hosts like to get the crowd involved and riled up for the coming craziness. When they asked for volunteers from the audience, I was pushed out of my seat toward the stage... by my girlfriend. Now that's love.

I'm a veteran, so I knew what was coming would be perverse. In the past the volunteers played games like ring toss onto the giant inflatable penis, eat the pie from between the thighs, or just flat out shotgun some beers (which I lost last year due to technicalities.... grrrrr, makes Cody angy to think of it). Well, we were at the early show, so people weren't as drunk as they should have been (I slammed my first beer on the way to the stage). The total number of volunteers from a nearly full theater was 2, me and this older lady. The game that was picked for us to play was tug-a-war. "Simple and childish " you may say? True, but in this case we could only use our thighs to hold the tether and instead of a rope, they had a 20" double-headed rubber dildo. How did it go? I won of course! See for yourself:

I found out on Monday that a friend of mine was in the audience that I didn't see. She took video of the event and that's how I got the proof of my "victory"(?). Afterwards, the show started, beers were consumed, and laughs were had by all. For my exploits I was given 2 sets of free passes to the Drafthouse... which will only lead to more posts like this no doubt. Dr. Tran better watch out...

there's another action star handing out American Dickings. Rocco's in town!

the 5th anniversary of my 21st birthday

2006-10-05T11:17:00.000-05:00

So here is how my 26th birthday played out (I like to think of it as the fifth anniversay of my 21st birthday). I started the day off at 4:45am when I woke up to leave Lawerance, KA to come home. I had been there working on a powerplant during a 2-month stint of weekly travel. When I was getting on my 7:30 flight Kenny Rogers was playing on the overhead speakers; followed by some Sinatra. Let's just say this was an omen that good things were to come.

When I got to Austin it was a gorgeous day (and warm... finally). I went to lunch at Kieffer's then to work for a while. When I got home I had a beer with C-Bass before we went over to the Chi Phi house where they were celebrating the 113rd anniversary of Chi Phi at UT (yeah, we share the smae birthday). After a couple of beers I went to Sam Paio (next to Posse) for dinner with the family. When we left I met up with Opie at Posse, along with a couple of other people. The plan was to watch the Texas/Colorado game, but Posse didn't get the channel it was on. Crown & Anchor wouldn't let the minors in, so we went to my place to watch the game.

After the game, a few beers, and a couple of whiskey cokes (courtesy of the fine liquor Opie gave me for my birthday) it was back to Posse. (Here's where it gets a little fuzzy) I got a free pitcher of Bass (the beer) for my birthday. Mauri met up with me and gave me a deal on a Foundation season ticket in with the old Bunchers section for football next year. I figured it was overtime money well spent. Bryan met up with us along with a couple of other folks (of course I didn't remember it until yesterday when he told me about it).

After passing out at Posse, a couple of people got the idea to take me to a strip club, so they woke me up and we took off. Believe it or not, after they woke me up at Posse I got a second wind. I think the crowd was me, Kevin (Vitamin), Mauri, Max, Kacie, Dayna, and a couple of their friends. The funniest part of it was the look on Kacie's face when she walked into the place (or when she got a couple of stage dances... or maybe that lap dance). After the strip club we went back to my house where I was challenged to Beer Pong. Even though I was swaying like palm tree in a tsunami, I won the game like a champ. After that I think I walked around shirtless for a while before being put to bed by Kacie and Dayna.

The next day I woke up and drove 8 hours to Amarillo. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

I couldn't have said it better myself

2006-09-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

So I always wanted to sit down and document this story, but apparently one of my fraternity brothers beat me to it (Dell'Achio, I'm looking in your direction). Anyways, I think all of the major details are included, so check out the story here (it's also the second link if you Google the phrase "Donkey Show".

The part of my story not covered on the other site occurs when the horse-drawn carraiges to Doys Town split up. I was with the only two guys that were fluent in Spanish so I felt perfectly safe. Even when part of the cart fell off and I jumped off to pick it up for the guy. As it turns out, my cart was the only one that learned why the lights were off. Some drunk driver drove his car straight into a power pole, blowing out the transformer and the power for the entire area.

I also bought my cowboy hat at the donkey show bar. Some guy was walking around with a stack of hats. I asked, "quantos"; he said, "doce"; I said, "no, diaz"; and he said, "ah, ci, ci." And thus I purchased my drinking hat. More on that later.

Yeah, it's one of my favorite stories to shock and amaze with. I hope you enjoy it. So I leave you with one final question: anyone wanna go to Mexico?

When life gets hard, I say bucket!

2006-08-16T21:17:00.000-05:00

There's a story I love to tell about one of the times I went to Tijuana. Now it's not so much about me being drunk, but rest assured I was drinking that night. The real star of this story is my buddy Kris:

UT had just won the Holiday Bowl against the Washington Huskies and to celebrate, me and the Bunch/Beta crew decided to head over to what Krusty the Klown dubbed "the happiest place on Earth."

When we got across the border, after the obligatory 30-minute trolley ride, we embarked towards the nearest bar. It was an upstairs bar (that will come into play later). We didn't hesitate to order a couple (4) buckets of beer to celebrate the Horns' win. And celebrate we did. Why we even used our empty bottles constructively.

Kris was, by far, the champ of the group: 10 beers before he even thought to "broke the seal." He was so proud of the bucket he finished on his own, he paid the bartender so he could keep it as a souvenir. We decided the bar was getting a little lame (we were the only patrons aside from some greasy, El Guapo-looking dudes) so we decided to head on to the next bar. I was last in line, making sure everyone was accounted for... I didn't want a replay of the Dirty Dave debaucle from the year before. As we're heading out of the bar, a security guard stops Kris at the bottom of the stairway out (see, what did I say). So the security guard starts giving him shit. Kris is adamant that he paid for that bucket fair and square so he better get it back. The security ass lifted his shirt slightly to reveal a badge and said, "I'm Policia. Do you really want to start shit essay?" Kris backs off and the dickhead turns to go up the stairs... and there I am. I'm already a foot taller than this guy. Plus, I'm standing a couple of steps up. I look down, square into his astonished face and say in my lowest, meanest, flattest voice, "You ain't leaving with my friend's bucket!" About that time, to more vatos turn the corner to stand behind him. I don't move. Suddenly from behind him the manager comes out of some random door and asks what's going on. The bouncer says Kris is trying to steal the beer bucket while Kris is still saying he bought it. The manager does a quick survey of the situation and takes the bucket out of the bouncer's hands. Then he turns to Kris, turns the bucket upside down, puts it on Kris's head, chortles a merry little hispanic laugh, and says, "You can go." And so we went to the next bar.

Our next stop was Animale'. It's a bar I went to the previous year and had a good time. There was pool, a broken mechanical bull, and a gyroscope to keep us entertained; see:

Anyways... we drank more beer. We even took action pictures on the broken mechanical bull. Beleive it or not, I passed out for a couple of minutes (probably around 3:45am), but came to in time to protect the bucket of beer from some poacher. None of us had any idea what time it was, but frankly, none of us cared. Eventually, we all decided it was time to go. On the way out of the bar, the same shit happened! A security guard stopped Kris. Started giving him shit. Kris protested (very drunkenly at this time). The security ass showed a badge. He turned to go inside. I got in the way. .More vatos showed up. The manager came out, surveys the situation, takes the bucket out of the bouncer's hands, turns to Kris, turns the bucket upside down, puts it on Kris's head, chortles a merry little hispanic laugh, and says, "You can go." It was time to Taco Bell our asses and head for the border.

We catch a couple of taxis back to the border (there were about 12 of us) which drop us off at the checkpoint. As Kris is getting out of the cab, he grabs the nappy blanket on the back window sill and throws it around his neck like a Batman cape. The cabi jumps out screaming, "Senor, gimme back blanket!" To which Kris replies, "No, its my blanket now." Cabi: "No, es my blanket, senor. Give it now!" Kris: "How much to my blanket?" (did I mention he was blotto?) Cabi: "$5?" Kris: "SOLD MOFO!" And thus with his bucket helmet and ratty blanket-cape we went on to the checkpoint.

While waiting in line to cross the border, I see a nice stone carving of the US seal on the wall of the building. I ask a US Border Patrol Officer if I can take a picture of it. He doesn't even say "N.." before Kris is snapping a shot. Unlucky for all of us, 9/11 was only a couple of months behind us and it was a potential felony to photograph the insides of federal buildings without proper written consent. And so Kris was taken into custody by the US Border Patrol, helmet, cape, and all.

Everyone else makes it through the checkpoint and I put them all on the trolley home. Lucky for us the Trolley had just started running again and they caught the 5:30am trolley from Tijuana to San Diego (which, if I'm not mistaken, is German for a whale's vagina). I stayed behind. Kris was my little bro in band and if he didn't make it back to the hotel in time, neither of us would. Sometimes a brother's all you got. Anywho, I'm sitting there for about thirty minutes, getting weird stares from all of the migrant workers coming over for a hard days work, when Kris finally emerges from the building... helmet, cape, and all. Well, almost all. The Border Patrol confiscated his disposable camera, which is the main reason there are not more photos of this night. After a little rant about his camera and the "cock-suckers that took it", I get Kris onto the Trolley with me and get the rest of the story on the way home. As it turns out, they interogated him a little, asking why he took the picture, why he was wearing a cape, and where the hell did he get a bucket to wear. When they decided he was a harmless, drunk, college student, the Cheif looked at him, picked up the bucket, put it on his head, chuckled, and told him to get the hell out of there.

It's a good thing he had that bucket, too. Halfway home, he looks up at me from his stupor and informs me he's gonna be sick. I tell him that he's got a bucket. He thanked me, removed his armor, and proceeded to yack up 2 days worth of band food into it. I'm serious! I know for a fact that he hadn't had anything with olives for at least 36 hours. Seriously though, I'm glad I was able to wake up enough to get both of us off the trolley at the correct station.

When we got off the trolley, we both had to piss something awful. And what better place to do it than into two giant planters for palm trees in an empty train station. Well, at least it was empty until I looked around the corner mid-leak and noticed the 500 people exiting the San Diego commuter rail. "Pinch it off dude! Time to go." "But I am."

When I got Kris up to his room around 6:45am, he went straight to the bathroom, came back out, and face-planted into the bed; not waking a single roommate. So I left, packed, and was the first one at breakfast. As it turns out, Kris wasn't using the bathroom. He put his bucket in the shower, turned it on full blast, and left it. His roommate woke up, heard the shower, and triple-counted the number of people in his room. I can only imagine what his face must have looked like when, after the intense cloud of steam cleared from the room, he saw an empty beer bucket taking a shower.

And that's the story of Kris and his bucket. It's one of my favorite of all time and rivaled by very few. As an epilogue, that morning, when Kris got on the Trumpet bus, the comment, "You smell like Death" was uttered by many. And he looked it, too. That day, we marched a parade at Disney Land. I marched alongside Kris and had to hold him up with one hand and play my trumpet with the other. Later, at Space Mountain, Kris was dry-heaving into a trashcan. All I could hear was a little girl ask, "Mommy, mommy, what's wrong with that man?" Ahh the innocence of youth.

The Tower of Babble

2006-06-22T19:26:00.000-05:00

I have this problem when I get shot down by a girl I'm really into: I get blitzed out of my freaking mind. I'm sure every guy has been on a bender or two over a woman (don't worry Dell'Ach, I'll get to your story eventually), but I do this every time. One time in particular, I decided to get creative with my drinking.

In all honesty, I can't remember who it was I was pining over, but then again, its happened twice. I'll just call the girl Blah Blah Blah for now; thanks for the idea Biz Markie. So anyway, the first time I was all about this girl and had been hanging out with her a lot. When I finally tried to get a little closer she told me she just wanted to be friends, yet again another reference to Biz Markie. Anywho, when I'm all about a woman, I'm all about a woman. I forsake all others and keep my eyes on the prize. Yet when it turns out my eyes have been decieving me I fall back to my other relationship with renewed vigor... alcohol.

So as the story goes, it was after a Thursday night band rehearsal so I went over to Posse East. It was a bit of a rainy night so me, the early crew, and the brew were in the "library" section. And so the drinking commenced. By the time the full crowd was there I was already two pitchers into the night. After we had acquired 4 empties, I thought to myself, lets stack these bitches! And so I did. And the more we drank, the more we stacked. Somewhere around 8 other Posseagons... uh, Possenites... uh, whatever you call the other locals started pitching in, literally. I'm not sure what was more of a show, the corckscrewing tower of pitchers or the babbling, drunken idiot erecting it.

When it was all said and done, or at least when I was having trouble standing up tall enough to add to it I threw in the towel. I was thankful for the diversion from my woes. Eventually I was driven home, but not without setting the Posse East Pitcher Stacking record at 12 pitchers. Since then I've one-upped the total, but that was more for fun than drunken angst. And thus ends the story and I leave you with a glimpse of what I've been talking about.

Aloha aparently means drink

2006-06-15T03:25:00.000-05:00

So I'm currently in Hawaii (Waikiki on Oahu to be exact) and so far I have drank with my coworkers every day. This is how my first day of work on the island went:

I woke up at 5:30am with ease... after all it was 10:30am Austin time. We worked until 5pm and headed back towards the condos after a good day's work. Just outside of the power plant we stopped at a grocery store. I thought it was to buy stuff to eat, and I was wrong. One of the guys ran in and came back out with a 12-pack of Becks. As soon as we were on the road again I heard the all-too-familiar snap-hiss sound. I of course had a couple along with the guys (except the driver) and thought it was well planned because a 15 minute drive was really a 45 minute drive because of all of the traffic on one of Hawaii's only highways.

As it turns out there was a detour planned as well. We drove to a local bar known as Magoo's. It's in the university area. Which university? I have no idea. But I do know we passed a lab building that was up in blazes. I mean I know college kids can smoke out, but damn! The cloud filled most of the city. Lucky for us, Magoo's was not like most of the city. So we sat down and managed to knock back 5 pitchers of Pilsner-Urquell. I threw in a local Longboard Lager just for good measure. After the libations were completed we went back to the condos.

As soon as we got back, I changed out of my work clothes and did what any proper drinker would do after helping with pitchers and a twelve-pack... I went swimming in the ocean. And it... was...awesome! After that I hiked back through the ripoff marketplace that resides in Downtown Waikiki, purchased some shoes, some groceries, and some Johnie Walker Black.

Once back at the condo, I loaded up and heade for the roof. The penthouse floor is fantastic. There's a pool, sauna, weightroom, and a whole party patio. By party patio I mean there are gas grills for cooking, ice machines, sinks and counters (outdoors) for preparing food, and a view that just won't quit. As I was checking it out I was startled by a set of explosions behind me. As it turns out, one of the beach-front hotels decided to have a fireworks display. So Johnie by my side I watched the heavenly parade of colors dance afore me. Shit, listen to that poetry. Guess its the fault of the drinks we had today.

So as you can see, work is being pretty damn good to me. It'll be even better when we finish a little early and my girlfriend arrives (I bought her a ticket). So until then, raise a glass and say muhalo.

Summertime, where the livin's easy

2006-05-16T09:21:00.000-05:00

(5/13/06)
Hey Cody, how was your weekend?

Oh, the usual. Started off waking up a little hung over from a bachelor party, headed out to the lake for a while and finished it off with a 21st birthday party.

So pretty standard?

Yup.

And now, here's the full story: I woke up on Saturday morning with the still drunken buzz of a properly thrown bachelor party. Friday night we took Ken Flannigan, one of my pledge brothers, out for a whole lotta drinks (including some really good whiskeys I had never tried before). I'd tell you more about it, but its against the unwritten law of groomsmen (you know, like the "stays in Vegas" thing). Anywho, while I was waiting to find out whenwherehow I was getting to Lake Travis with the Bastrop crew I played some Halo on my newly acquired X-Box and had some Ramen for breakfast. I finally got the call after kicking a plethora of alien ass and met up with the boaters at the HEB on Manor Rd., aka The Ghetto. After purchasing the necesarry supplies, I left my car there and headed out to Lake Travis.

After launching the boat (and cracking a keystone) we headed out in search of a nice cove to make our own. When we got there Jason started inflating the life raft (one of those 12 foot water trampolines). Shortly after slicing my foot open on the boat, my baby called and told me she would meet us at the LCRA park at Mansfeild Dam. Jason untied the anchor (but left it in the water) while I doctored (babied) my wound, handed the rope to Stacey and Zia on the trampoline, and we took off. It was hilarious, we just left the girls there. After we picked up Michelle we headed back to our cove where we found a boat parked next to the trampoline. Darren and Janna had sailed in to the rescue. Stacey and Zia were proud to announce to Michelle that they had bought her a Bubba Keg (I have no idea who that is in the picture) to share their Stoli and lemonade. I had my Keystone, Jason his Tecate, and Janna and Darin God only knows what. So we all enjoyed an afternoon of sun, booze, a little cliff jumping, and a lot of relaxation. When we finally got off the water we swung by The Iguana Grill and had a couple of margarittas. Michelle and I would have stayed for dinner, but it was getting late and I still had two more shindigs I had promised to grace with my presence.

We stopped off at Posse East on the way home to tell Ron and Cindy congratulations. They are 2 Posse regulars who got married earlier in the day and were having their wedding reception at the Posse. Michelle and I grabbed some free food, ate it on the roof, said our goodbyes, and headed for home to freshen up for the evening events. Unfortunately, the sun and lake (and 50+ hour work week) had taken its toll on Michelle and she crashed when we got to my place. When I woke her up to get going, she told me she'd rather sleep but I should go out and have fun (damn she's the coolest). And so fun I had... well, more fun on top of the rest of the day. And how so you may ask? Why by adding another name to The List.

Kacie Walch (formerly known as Leslie Schulman) turned 21 at midnight. So after walking to get my car I headed Downtown. Halfway there I was redirected by a call from the birthday girl telling me how the Cabbie was a dick and I told her I'd pick up whoever got left behind. We got Downtown just in time to miss Kacie's first drink. The night progressed about as usual for a 21st. The girls just wanted quick shots, multiple bars, some booty music, and lots of pictures. The guys however gave up on trying to buy a drink at each place, I mean its uneconomical to buy beers just to slam them and run to the next place. By the end of the night I think Kacie was on her 15th drink, including the kinky Muff Diver they give at Paradise. We ended the night dancing in the basement club Barcelona where I had to act as the human sheild between the girls and the creepy guy (you all know the type). I was one of only 3 of the original 6 guys that made it this far as the other half went back to a previous bar to hit on some prospects. Once we finally left 6th... er were forced off the street by the mounted APD cavalry... we headed back our rides home. While the birthday girl and her roomates for the weekend were deciding what to do (where to drink next) I got a call from the E-bus crowd telling me they were kinda stuck. Not being one to enjoy debates, I went and picked them up and drove back to the rest of the crowd before anyone had noticed I had gone (cuz I'm a ninja like that biatch!). The decision was made to head back to Kacie's. So with ten people in my car we went. Yeah, I found out you can fit 10 people in my Crown Victoria; 2 less than we stuffed into one in Mexico once. I ended my night some time around 4:15am, after playing MarioKart Double Dash (and kicking ass), and headed home to my baby. Like I said, just another usual weekend.

Oh, Canada....... eh

2006-04-14T04:14:00.000-05:00

Holy balls! I have seriously been underestimating things. First of all, let mee say that I have underestimated some of my coworkers. Mike I know can hold his own. I've seen him drink enough to stun a hormone-raged charging rhino. But Ted and Richard I had no idea. Aparently Richard has an as-to-for unkown affinity for tequila and Ted is a wild man once alcohol is applied. Case in point, I've been working the night shift in Canada on a rotor job (ask me some time and I'll explain the boring details) and tonight we finished up and celebrated.

After a nice dinner at Average Joe's Pub, consisting of numerous pints and some good bar food, we headed back to the hotel to freshen up. Richard decided to crash, but not after I heard a couple of good stories at dinner. Ted and Mike were rearin' to get going on a salsa dancing adventure. So after a freshening-up period we were good to go. But then we were informed by the concierge that the salsa spot was no longer in existence. So we went to the Edmonton equivelent of 6th street, i.e. Whyte Ave.

Once we got there, I realized I had been underestimating another thing... Canadian chicks are hot (if not really slutty). We stopped in to numerous bars before I realized the reason so many Canadian chicks seem slutty... eighteen is the legal drinking age and that's what we were surrounded by. This threw me off, but not my coworkers. They were incorrigable, but it made it that much more fun. Around 2pm, last call in Edmonton, Alberta, we stopped off at what I thought was the last bar of the night. The waitress was really cool, and very attractive, and my coworker (Ted) felt ablidged to hit on her profusely. After numerous shutdowns, which I tried to play off, we found ourselves out on the street following a group of girls that had tried to get into the bar after hours (where we were finishing up our drinks). And guess where we followed them to. Why another bar of course. It wasn't long before those bartenders caught on to the fact that we didn't belong there after hours and asked us to leave. So we decided to call it quits for the night and head back to the hotel.

On the way we had the usual drunken exchanges with other alcohol conisueors (sp?) as I have had everywhere else I have drank. We even went the wrong way on a couple of 1-way roads for good measure (I was driving). Halfway home I was conviced to pull over and offer a group of young women a ride home. They agreed and hopped into the truck (a rented F-150) whereupon we found out one of them was a guy, hooray Canada. Anywho, we dropped them off then found our way back to the hotel and here I am typing before I pass out. I hope you've enjoyed my tale. If you haven't been to Canada, then its aboot time you did so. All that beeing said, Cody, OUT!

...Please answer the Red Courtesy Phone

2006-03-02T10:48:00.000-06:00

If you don't know by now, I'm a little fond of Posse East. I've been drinking there since I got to college. I never really put that much thought into how much time I spent there until my Junior year when I was having a conversation with some of the older band folk. Since I'm on a bit of a conversation kick, here's what happened in **Super Conversation Mode**

Sir Cody: You know, if I win the lottery, I'm gonna build an apartment on top of Posse East

Chris: Are you gonna have a fireman's pole down to the bar a la The Drew Carey Show?

Sir Cody: Oh damn, that'd be sweet!

Chris: You could get a direct line and call in orders before you Batman'ed down to the bar

Sir Cody: I'd have to have a red phone and answer to the Commissioner

Rachel: So that's what they call it these days?

Ashley: Besides, Cody, it's not like you're not always here anyways

Sir Cody: What? I am not always here...

Posse PA: ***Cody, you have a phone call***Cody you have a phone call***

Ashley: You were saying?

Wouldn't you know fate would do that to me. It turns out it was one of my fraternity brothers calling to see if I wanted to join a group of them in going Downtown. I can't remember if I went or not. I'm guessing I did and ended up driving them because I had the van. But the important thing is that they called me at my evening office at, quite possibly, the most opportune time ever. Let's chalk one up for habitual drinking and its predictability.

I'm kind of a big deal...

2006-02-24T11:34:00.000-06:00

I swear I get remembered for the weirdest things; like keg-riding, jello-wrestling referee, the Duff beercan, the Jolly Green Giant, sleeping on football fieldsbeer campaign signs, drawing on myself, etc. I mean at the strangest places at the weirdest times, someone will just know me for some reason. Like last night.

I was at Posse East last night, for it was a Thursday, and I was working on some stuff before everyone started to get there. When Vitamin (Kevin Villamin) showed up around 10 I decided to pack up and get to the drinking. As I was taking my stuff to the car I was passed by two young women and the following conversation took place:

Woman #1: Hey, I know you!
Yours Truly: I'm sorry, I don't really remember you
Woman #2: That's probably because you were really drunk.
Yours Truly: Oh man, you do know me
Woman #1: Yeah, but where? Ron Burgandy!
Yours Truly: What?
Woman #1: I met you when you were Ron Burgandy
Yours Truly: Oh man, I was a little drunk
Woman #1: So what's your real name?
Yours Truly: I'm Cody
Woman #1: I'm Brittany
Yours Truly: Well, good to re-meet you
Woman #1: Yeah, well, see you later
Yours Truly: You stay classy

Welcome to the party, pal!

2006-02-24T10:30:00.000-06:00

As you've seen, I've been to my fair share of 21st birthday celebrations. Here's the tale of my most recent endeavor. Back in mid-November we celebrated the 21st of my friend Jason Joiner

However, my journey into the darkness doesn't begin there. Oh no. It begins around 7pm that night. I was just finishing my pre-downtown cleaning when Suzy called me up and said, "HEY, come to my office holiday party. There's free beer, free food, and I don't really know anyone here and a couple of old guys are starting to creep me out." How could a chivalrous man like me sit by when there was free beer at hand. So I drove over there, mingled, had some tacos from a catering taco truck, and killed of a six-pack... just to watch it die.

After that it was on to the meeting place; Posse East. Of course everyone was running late, so I made the best of the situation. I bought myself a pitcher. Finally the man of the night showed up, drank his birthday beer, and, along with his entourage, departed for his christening as a legal drinker.

Naturally we started off at some of the usual spots like The Library, The Aquarium, and so on. This is all well and good, but I'm pretty sure I was not supposed to be matching him shot-for-shot like I was doing. After the first couple of bars I kinda blacked out. The next thing I know its 3am, I'm in my company truck, there's a chihuahua in my lap, and my ass hurts. After extensive research and questioning, I've come to find out the reasons why.

One of the bars we went to was Coyote Ugly, a bar that I am now boycotting for the rest of my life (notice the lack of a link). The last time birthday I was there I got hosed with water from behind the bar. This time we got the bartender to give Jason his birthday spankings... with his leather belt. Well, I'll be damned if I was gonna be that drunk and let the birthday boy have all the fun, so I told her I wanted a spanking too. After the first two licks I told her she hit like a sissy girl and that I'd felt gentle breezes with more sting in them. Thus she turned the buckle on me and I learned a valuable lesson:

DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL (or a women with a belt/whip)

After we left we went to a couple of other bars where I apparently force-fed Jason a couple more drinks. After the nastiest of the nasties, the Texas Death Rattle, at the Ritz I apparently picked up Jason and spun him around. Then he was escorted to the bathroom and I was escorted out (peacefully).

After 6th we all went back to Posse East where some of the usual night-owls were still hanging out. I sat down and started talking to Melinda who had her chihuahua Corona on the table, shivering like all those dogs do (and it was cold). Just around last call she, and everyone else at the table went in to close their tabs. I drunkenly interpreted this as everyone leaving and thought they had left the dog. So I picked it up and went across the street to rest off my drunkenness in the car. Around 2:30am a sobbing Melinda showed up at the passenger door and I realized she was looking for her dog. I told her I wasn't going anywhere so she went back across the street. Then I forgot that happened, realized there was a dog in my lap and couldn't figure out what to do with it. So I drove over to Megan Cash's apartment (I knew they had taken care of the dog before), knocked on the door, and handed a confused, pajama-clad Megan the dog, and left. The only thing I said was, "here" as I passed the pooch. I slept until about six in the parking lot of the Chi Phi house before I went home, freshened up and went to work.

So, yeah, that's about it. I wish I could come up with a drink tally for the evening, but I'm pretty sure I'd lose count somewhere around 10 beers and 4 shots. Needless to say, work was a little rough the next day. And its reason's like that that I feel validated for skipping a Sunday night on 6th every once in a while.

And then Maverick says to Iceman....

2006-02-16T10:18:00.000-06:00

So its a Sunday night (1/29/06) and Michelle tells me about a birthday party I'm going to with her. And we all know I don't turn down a chance to party on birthdays (see my last post) so we head on out to the rendevous house. The birthday is for Mav (possibly the coolest name ever), a childhood friend of her brother. Consequently, he is also a childhood friend of my brother as well. When we first arrived at his place, I was greeted by Yan (Bryan), Chris (Michelle's brother), Mav, a Lonestar tallboy, and the delightful antics of Zoolander (on the TV). It was gonna be a good night.

We went to Baby Acapulco's for dinner, home of the Purple Margaritta. So we started drinking and talking. What did we talk about you might ask, well about elementary school of course. It's weird because Bryker Woods Elementary School is a very small school. I only had 40 students in my grade level when I was there... and this is in the middle of Austin. Anyways, we started BS-ing about stuff like the old rope swing, the tire hammock, climbing to the toop of the boiler house, burning stuff on the playground, hiding underneath the school, etc. Basically everything you expect little pre-alcoholics to do when they play. It was fun catching up with my Brother's old classmates. The funniest story however was about [name withheld to protect the innocent] who, during highschool took his truck and did donuts at a local golf course, hit a rock, abandoned the car to the oncoming Police, escaping through a waist-deep creek, reporting the truck as stolen, and getting it back later with no problems at all. I gotta say, when I heard all this, I laughed so hard margaritta came up out of my nose... which burned considering it was one of the purple ones with the grain alcohal in them.

After dinner the wippersnappers went Downtown while I actually acted like an adult for once and went home to sleep for work. I know, its uncharacteristic, but even a guy like me gets tired after drinking all weekend (Thursday-Sunday). All-in-all, I say it was a fun night filled with good food, good drinks, good company, and good stories.

Blackjack's not the only place 21 is important

2006-01-20T09:21:00.000-06:00

I was hanging out with some friends the other day before taking out the newest member of the 21-and-up family downtown for his christening when I was posed the question, "Cody, how many 21st birthday's have you taken people Downtown for?" You know, I've never actually tried to count. I said 35 as a ballpark figure. And now, I'd like to take a shot (pardon the pun) at naming all the people I have celebrated with.

Me (of course)
Travis McGuire (my brother)
Jason Buhro
Matt Newland (Tito)
Marshall Hilliard (my 21st, 22nd (jail), & 24th!)
Ken Flannigan
Dustin Freisenhahn
Brian Siy (Mango)
Richard Siy
Matt Kellogg (Waldo)
Wes Martin (Gizmo)
Arfeo Yllana
Cole Presnell
Jason Matthews (C-Bass)
John Landry
Austin Omen (Dice)
Vince Blackwood
Frankie Griffin
Sal Momin
Daniel Resindez
Troy Keith
Jason Joiner
Brytnne Lowden
Jennifer Monk
Bonnie Carson
Ray Johnson
Cary Cannon
Nick Schroeder
Justin Murray
Jorge Padilla
Jackie Peters-Padilla
Ashley Allen
Jenn Boone
Aaron Blades
Megan Cash
James Booker
Chris Lauer
David Andrews
Ben Keltner
Dayna Latham
Jason Gilbert
Nick Battani
Mike Boyd
Maegan Hebert
Kacie Walch

That's all I can remember for now. If any of you know of someone I missed (or know I wasn't there for one I mentioned) let me know. There are also some random groups of birthday goers I met after I was already Downtown and joined in the fun, but to remember their names I'd have to be Rain Man or something. Well to all of you whom I've had the priveledge of celebrating with... Cheers!

It's picture time!

2006-01-12T20:33:00.000-06:00

So far this blog has been a veritable desert as far as pictures go, so here is a pictoral list of a couple of things I enjoy about getting drunk:

1. Building monuments to your drinking abilities

.... Or maybe just walls

2. picking fights with people who are obviously bigger than you

3. Bondage!

...And masochism! (hooray pink belly's!)

4. Writing and drawing on yourself

Well, that's it for now. I like this. Expect more good fun lists. And more pictures from now on, too.

Oh, so now you're a philosophiser!

2006-01-12T19:42:00.000-06:00

Have you ever noticed how enlightened you feel after a long night of drinking? It seems like the mysteries of the universe unveil infront of your bloodshot, inhebriated eyes. Well, I decided to do a little social experiment, as I sometimes do, to see just what kinda stuff I think of as a revelation after a good night on the suace. So here's what I sat down and wrote the other night after a fun night on the town:

"Selflessness is considered a virtue. However, I do not think a virtuous person is completely selfless. Selfishness is required to form the identity of the self. However,selfishness is the key to many vices such as malice, gluttony, and vanity. In the AA meetings I have attended it has been said that selfishness leads to, or contributes to, alcoholism. I believe this to be true, or have truth, but I beleive that the complete elimination of selfishness is not the proper correction for the problem. To completely rid yourself of selfishness, i.e. become completely selfless, one loses their identity and becomes part of the mass and only capable of thought within the confines of the mass (or mob). Therefore, the slightest bit of selfishness must be preserved in order to maintain an essence of individuality; and therefore serves as a positive (by means of adding diversity/choice) force within society, or the appropriate sub-group. Therefore, the true virtue is the ability to balance selfishness with selflessness in order to provid possitive support for the body greater than you, whether society as a whole or a smaller group of peers."

Whoa, now that I've read that again, I know I was drunk. It's remeniscent of the time I contemplated eternity and infinity with Marshall one night... er... early morning. I decided to type it because the handwriting was as poor as my speaking capabilities at the time... I never knew you could slur writing. Anyways, now that you've read it, let me know what you think about my first try at the Codimu Manifesto.

There's Something About Pauli

2005-11-17T20:12:00.000-06:00

So last Thursday (11/10/05) I was enjoying another of my usual Thursdays at the Posse. I was jibberjabberin' with people here and there when I saw something I had never seen before. Someone stopped next to one of the outside pillars, reached into the viny overgrowth, and produced a stuffed parrot. Their expression of suprise equally matched my own. I got up and went over to inspect the newly-found parrot, wondering if it was too late to make it a Captain Morgan night (no, I'm not always thinking about alcohol, just most of the time), but alas, Texas Blue laws stopped that thought in its tracks.
Then inspiration hit me: Let's mess with traffic! So I created a makeshift perch for poor little Pauli (what else would you name a fake parrot). Then I placed him in the middle of the intersection in front of Posse.

The result was funny as hell! Cars would swerve around Pauli, or would stop iin front of it, back up, and pull around it. I was sure I would witness the demise of our doomed styrofoam and feather social experiment, but the only thing that would knock it over was the wind.
After moving it all over the place, a drunk driver who apparently had a thing gainst parrots ran it over at 40mph with his Trans-Am. I didn't know whether to laugh uproariously or die a little inside. So I laughed my ass off.

Then someone suggested pulling a Steve Austin on it, but we only had about three-fitty to use. The results weren't quite as spectacular, but they got the job done.

Finally, after more fun and a brief visit by APD, poor Pauli was retired to the Austin Landfill. May he rest in peice... er... peace. If you find this entry a little lame, then I blame you! You should have been drinking with us that night.

Evening Drinking Score: 3 pitchers (i.e. 12 pints)

Just another night on the town

2005-11-16T21:16:00.000-06:00

On a Wednesday night, the September of '05, my brother's band, The Civilians (or if you're a Myspace fanatic check 'em out here), was playing a show at Buffalo Billiards. I went with Ray and met up with Sal (a fraternity brother). My parents were there along with the hot groupies and even Shawn Alff (my brother's old roommate and partner in crime who just got back from an interesting 3-month soul-search in Hawaii). Candice also showed up and told me about something going on at Maggie Mae's, but I'll get to that in a bit.
During my brother's show I wandered downstairs to play Gallaga. I don't know how, but I set a personal record by getting to level 34. I lost a ship in the first level, but not again until the 20th. I also had two perfect scores in the Challenge Stages. Damn I love that game!
After that I went up and listened to the rest of my Brother's set. Damn I love that band! After the show Sal took us to the Ivory Cat, where he works as a barback. I've never been too thrilled by the Cat (Pete's Piano Bar is much nicer), but that changed when Sal took us up to the new second floor (which used to be a tatoo parlor). There was a piano player and bassist playing some nice lounge jazz and Sal hooked me, Ray, and himself up with a nice Crown and Sprite. I'm definitely going back there sometime.
Then we went on to Maggie Mae's. On the roof level there were three 4-6 person hot tubs. I walked over to the one Candice was at, stripped down to my boxers, and hopped in. I must say, there's nothing better than being in a hot tub at a bar with a beer in your hand surrounded by hot women in bikinis... well, okay, but not many things are better than it. My brother joined us a little later. At the end of the evening I walked my dripping ass back to the car, handed Ray the keys, and cruised back to the Ledge (only mooning one car this time). All in all, I had a pretty damn good night.

Evening drink score: 13 (bourbon-cokes and beers)

Who needs a cake when you have booze?

2005-11-09T16:09:00.001-06:00

I like birthdays. I really like 21st birthdays. I've kind of been hooked ever since mine. I love taking all the newbies out and showing off the Mecca of debauchery that is 6th Street in my home town of Austin, TX. Last night was my friend Bryttne's 21st and here is the tale of the night.

We met up at Trudy's so Bryttne could get her first birthday drink. She got a Mexican Martini (cornerstone of the Trudy's Birthday Challenge, but that's another story all together) and we waited for the rest of the group to trickle in. So after we paid for the drinks we had we set off for Downtown.

On the way to the Library (the 6th Street rendevous) I had an unfortunate encounter with a tree. Day laborers apparently aren't tall enough to trim them to my height. Damn those trees! Ahem, back to the story...

So we got to the Library ad started the drinking. A couple of whiskey-Cokes for me and shots for the ladies. Then we bar hopped to the Aquarium (to the shagrin of Emily who has a fish-tank phobia)then to The Drink then to Maggie Mae's. At the Blind Pig Pub I found out they don't give Birthday shots, but I quickly devised a plan to have fun there anyways. I got everyone inside and said I'd buy the drinks. I instucted to bartender to fix a round (8) of shots of water. Then I passed them out claiming this would be the smoothest vodka shot ever. Gave a toast and kicked it back. The reactions were hilarious. At first people were amazed how smooth it was, then understanding kicked in. Needless to say I had to dodge booting feet as we left.

We proceded on to Shakespeare's and then to the Dizzy Rooster (where I impressed everyone by lifting Bryttne so she could sign the ceiling). From there we went to Cheer's Shot bar where I bought a Blue Wave. I took the bullet for the team and got one for myself too. For those of you that don't know what it is, tough. Youu'll just have to come Downtown with me and find out. From there we went to Coyote Ugly where the boobacious bartenders serviced our birthday girl. While all the girls in the group were dancing on the bar, I did something to provoke one of the bartenders whom promptly hosed me with a couple of gallons of water from behind the bar. Me being a prideful man, holding a couple of purses, I stood my ground to see who would back down first. She did, but I'm not sure if I was truly the winner. Then we mozzied over to Mooseknuckle where more was imbibed and I dried off.

Finally we finished the night at Treasure Island. Now the thing about me when I get drunk is I start dancing (if it's fun). And dance I did, which is where this tasty tidbit comes from:

This is just one of the many 21st that I can recall. Some I cannot. But then again, that's what this blog is all about. Each time you learn a little more about something or other, whether it be Jaegermister is icky or don't ask a hot bartender at a gender-bias bar to jump up and down for you or don't walk into trees when trying to look like a stud. I'll leave you with my favorite toast of the night: Here's not not sweating the petty things and always petting the sweaty things!

P.S. - that's me booty dancing to Bryttne

Nico-Whaaaat!

2005-09-22T21:17:00.000-05:00

As a kid I loved stickers. Sometimes I would put them on and call them tatoos. But one night at the sitting with some of the guys on the balcony in front of my room at the Chi Phi house I had a new experience with adhesive fun, and I'm not talking about bondage.

I was just sitting there shooting the shit with the guys, enjoying a Kentucky Deluxe and Coke, when Heath Shields asked me if I wanted a cigarette. I politely said no. Upon my refusal he asked me why I declined. I plainly explained that I don't like inhaling smoke into my lungs. A sly smirk crossed his face, as it often does, and he asked me if I'd like to try a nicotine patch instead. At first I said no, but eventually caved to the mounting peer pressure coming at me pincer style from the rest of the guys sitting out there that particular night. Like Marty McFly being callled yellow I of course said, bring it on."

So Heath disappears into his room and emerges with this. I had finished my KDC and moved on to beer (Bud Light most likely). We cleaned off my arm and slapped that puppy on. Then I just continued on like nothing happened. We sat there talking. Heath got me my next couple of beers. After a while I looked at him flatly and said, slightly inebriated, "This shit ain't working. I don't feel a damn thing. I'm gonna go pee." No sooner had I stood up then I became more dizzy than I had ever been. I barely caught myself before falling off the balcony. Everybody else quickly realized just how messed up I was. After walking into my doorpost on the way out of my room, I plopped myself back in my seat. After this, things get fuzzy for a while.

At on point, my girlfriend at the time came by with her friend. I think it might have been her birthday (I know, I'm an ass!) but she had spent it with her sorority sisters so I didn't think she would be by. After she left I had a couple more drinks towards my oblivion.

Suddenly, something wasn't right. Someone had tightened vice-grips around my stomach. My abdomen starting twisting in a way that would make Chubby Checker jealous. I had to do something quick. I ran to the farthest edge of the balcony and barked like the Drill Seargent in Full Metal Jacket. Afterwards I rejoined the group and had another beer to try to quell the torment in my midsection. After that, I bid everyone goodnight (and called Heath a bad name... to which he laughed), and called it a night.

So remember kids, it doesn't matter how much you like stickers. Never use ones with medical terms on them.

A Thin Lead Line

2005-09-07T15:58:00.000-05:00

So there I am drinking at Posse (as always). Me and the crew started going on about the good ole days and one of the old guys challenges me to walk the pipe. And I'll be damned if I didn't take him up on that challenge. The next set of events can wait a sec while I give a little background.

There is a pseudo-long standing tradition with Posse regulars (whether Engineering student, band member, local frat boy, or the old farts) and that is "Walking the pipe". This pipe is the shortest path between Posse East and the Engineering part of campus (UT). It spans Waller Creek between the two nearest bridges. The actual pipe is a 2-foot drain pipe, but the fun part is the I-beam that sits on top for structural support or something like that. It sits about 8 feet over the water (depending on conditions) and the creek reeks of ass. Now that you know what we were up against, I'll continue.

By now we had a crowd coming with us over to the pipe. People have fallen off before so its always a suspensful event to witness. Out of all of that night's contestants, I was by far the drunkest. And I looked like a pro! I hopped up on that thing, pitcher still in hand and walked straight across like an Olympic gymnast (mmmm, Olympic gymnast).

After everyone had made it across we all had to start the trip back to the other side. I went after a particularly slow person and had to stop, mid-pipe. Then for some reason I thought, hmm, I wonder what it looks like below me. Then, vertigo. I looked up and lost my balance. I reached out for a nearby tree branch to balance myself. Unfortunately for me I grabbed a sapling and it followed me down. As I fell off the pipe I just remember thinking, "Man, this is gonna suck!" And suck it did. In fact it sucked my shoe right off my foot as I climbed out of the putrid mud and water. I managed to keep my shirt dry, but my pants were soaked and my legs were covered in mud. Not only that, but in freeing myself from the polluted waters of Waller Creek I freed some large pocket of swamp gas that smelled worse than Bigfoot's dick.

To the cheers, laughs, and holy-crap-I-can't-believe-that-just-happened's I emerged from the pipe and made my way across the street back to Posse. In order to remove my newly acquired Swamp-Thing appearance I got permission from the bar manager (Evil) to use the outdoor hose. So there I am at 1:30am in the honey pot of the intersection of San Jacinto and Duval hosing myself down in only my boxers. My clothes, after hosing them off too, were crammed into a trash bag.

In my state of shame and failure, I bummed a ride home from Nicole back to my apartment at the Chi Phi House. Upon arrival, I find the entire fraternity hanging out on the front porch of the house, drinking and playing guitars. As I got out of the truck you could instantly tell who knew me the best out of the group. The younger guys gazed at me with their jaws hanging. The older guys just gave me a smirk and tossed me a beer. Ahhh, good times, good times.

P.S. - I still didn't win the FBS award that week

Did it hurt your first time?

2005-09-02T14:59:00.000-05:00

Lemme tell you about the first time I ever drank. I'm not talking like having a sip of daddy's beer or sneaking a glass of champagne at a wedding, I mean down and dirty boozing. I was in high school (a senior believe it or not) and found out one of my buddy Nick was having a party after the homecoming dance. Our whole group headed over there for an all-night shin dig. At first I thought it was a little strange that his mom was voluntarily chaperoning a bunch of minors drinking, but got over it when she made me a screwdriver and a mudslide. In retrospect I see the wisdom behind it all. Anywho, like I said, as soon as we got there we started making drinks. I had never had one so I started with a screwdriver. We were all talking and watching TV in the living room but as more drinks set in we got more rowdy. After a mudslide and a couple of beers we decided to play a couple game s of hide and seek in the neighborhood. But a cop sighting scattered us like a bunch of teenage, paranoid roaches. So we went back inside and started playing drinking games.

I got a little bored and found that my friend had X-Wing vs. Tie fighter on the computer. At this point I had just cracked a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and got ready to blast some Imperial swine. I was terrible at it. After a little bit I was turning my head with the screen like a person jerking their hands trying to get Mario to jump farther. My gaming ended when, as I was taking an extended left turn in the game, I leaned too much with the screen and fell right off the chair. My co-pilot, Paul, who was watching over my shoulder had done the exact smae thing. After laughing at ourselves quite extensively, I got into a philosophical discussion with the mom in the kitchen (about what there's no way I can remember).

By now people were beginning to turn in for the night. I finished the Boone's Farm and decided to look for a nice place to crash. I found an empty back room and laid down on the floor. Something was wrong though. The ceiling kept moving. It was spinning, I mean actually spinning, like wheels in Pimp My Ride. So I did what any level headed young man would do, I chased it. So there I am at 1 am running around in circles Three Stooges style trying to catch up with a cieling I'm looking straight up at. Long story short, I lost the race. So I got up and went into the living room and cracked open another bottle of Boone's.

The next morning I wake up to a sea of sleeping bags where the living room floor used to be. The coffee table was a graveyard of beer and Boone's bottles. I had slept on one of those stair-like rises in the floor. My buddy paul was asleep under the coffee table. Everytime we tried to wake him, he would bolt up, hit his head on the underside of the coffee table, and fall back down to sleep some more. Finally, after some Lucky Charms, I went on home. And that's the beginning of my career.

And so it begins...

2005-08-31T18:20:00.000-05:00

I said I'd do it and here it is. This blog is dedicated to me talking about me, but with a very narrow focus. For the past half of my life I have had many wonderous adventures that I love talking about. All of these tales of lore and legend hinge on one aspect of mine: my BAC. Drinking is a bit of a past time for me and I figured it was time I shared my experiences with the world. As often as I can find time to do so I will be chronicling some drunken debauchery of some type for your reading pleasure. Some of these will be recent events, some are from the very beginning. People, places, drinks, inhebriated ramblings, all wrapped up into a nice little text file for you. So tune in and enjoy.

no animals were injured in the typing of this blog entry