Did it hurt your first time?

Lemme tell you about the first time I ever drank. I'm not talking like having a sip of daddy's beer or sneaking a glass of champagne at a wedding, I mean down and dirty boozing. I was in high school (a senior believe it or not) and found out one of my buddy Nick was having a party after the homecoming dance. Our whole group headed over there for an all-night shin dig. At first I thought it was a little strange that his mom was voluntarily chaperoning a bunch of minors drinking, but got over it when she made me a screwdriver and a mudslide. In retrospect I see the wisdom behind it all. Anywho, like I said, as soon as we got there we started making drinks. I had never had one so I started with a screwdriver. We were all talking and watching TV in the living room but as more drinks set in we got more rowdy. After a mudslide and a couple of beers we decided to play a couple game s of hide and seek in the neighborhood. But a cop sighting scattered us like a bunch of teenage, paranoid roaches. So we went back inside and started playing drinking games.

I got a little bored and found that my friend had X-Wing vs. Tie fighter on the computer. At this point I had just cracked a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and got ready to blast some Imperial swine. I was terrible at it. After a little bit I was turning my head with the screen like a person jerking their hands trying to get Mario to jump farther. My gaming ended when, as I was taking an extended left turn in the game, I leaned too much with the screen and fell right off the chair. My co-pilot, Paul, who was watching over my shoulder had done the exact smae thing. After laughing at ourselves quite extensively, I got into a philosophical discussion with the mom in the kitchen (about what there's no way I can remember).

By now people were beginning to turn in for the night. I finished the Boone's Farm and decided to look for a nice place to crash. I found an empty back room and laid down on the floor. Something was wrong though. The ceiling kept moving. It was spinning, I mean actually spinning, like wheels in Pimp My Ride. So I did what any level headed young man would do, I chased it. So there I am at 1 am running around in circles Three Stooges style trying to catch up with a cieling I'm looking straight up at. Long story short, I lost the race. So I got up and went into the living room and cracked open another bottle of Boone's.

The next morning I wake up to a sea of sleeping bags where the living room floor used to be. The coffee table was a graveyard of beer and Boone's bottles. I had slept on one of those stair-like rises in the floor. My buddy paul was asleep under the coffee table. Everytime we tried to wake him, he would bolt up, hit his head on the underside of the coffee table, and fall back down to sleep some more. Finally, after some Lucky Charms, I went on home. And that's the beginning of my career.