A Thin Lead Line

So there I am drinking at Posse (as always). Me and the crew started going on about the good ole days and one of the old guys challenges me to walk the pipe. And I'll be damned if I didn't take him up on that challenge. The next set of events can wait a sec while I give a little background.

There is a pseudo-long standing tradition with Posse regulars (whether Engineering student, band member, local frat boy, or the old farts) and that is "Walking the pipe". This pipe is the shortest path between Posse East and the Engineering part of campus (UT). It spans Waller Creek between the two nearest bridges. The actual pipe is a 2-foot drain pipe, but the fun part is the I-beam that sits on top for structural support or something like that. It sits about 8 feet over the water (depending on conditions) and the creek reeks of ass. Now that you know what we were up against, I'll continue.

By now we had a crowd coming with us over to the pipe. People have fallen off before so its always a suspensful event to witness. Out of all of that night's contestants, I was by far the drunkest. And I looked like a pro! I hopped up on that thing, pitcher still in hand and walked straight across like an Olympic gymnast (mmmm, Olympic gymnast).

After everyone had made it across we all had to start the trip back to the other side. I went after a particularly slow person and had to stop, mid-pipe. Then for some reason I thought, hmm, I wonder what it looks like below me. Then, vertigo. I looked up and lost my balance. I reached out for a nearby tree branch to balance myself. Unfortunately for me I grabbed a sapling and it followed me down. As I fell off the pipe I just remember thinking, "Man, this is gonna suck!" And suck it did. In fact it sucked my shoe right off my foot as I climbed out of the putrid mud and water. I managed to keep my shirt dry, but my pants were soaked and my legs were covered in mud. Not only that, but in freeing myself from the polluted waters of Waller Creek I freed some large pocket of swamp gas that smelled worse than Bigfoot's dick.

To the cheers, laughs, and holy-crap-I-can't-believe-that-just-happened's I emerged from the pipe and made my way across the street back to Posse. In order to remove my newly acquired Swamp-Thing appearance I got permission from the bar manager (Evil) to use the outdoor hose. So there I am at 1:30am in the honey pot of the intersection of San Jacinto and Duval hosing myself down in only my boxers. My clothes, after hosing them off too, were crammed into a trash bag.

In my state of shame and failure, I bummed a ride home from Nicole back to my apartment at the Chi Phi House. Upon arrival, I find the entire fraternity hanging out on the front porch of the house, drinking and playing guitars. As I got out of the truck you could instantly tell who knew me the best out of the group. The younger guys gazed at me with their jaws hanging. The older guys just gave me a smirk and tossed me a beer. Ahhh, good times, good times.

P.S. - I still didn't win the FBS award that week