Robbery

A couple weeks ago i got a call that my old house had been broken into. There was apparently a news story about the incident, after which some friends called us to ask about the event. Now by this time we had been moved out of the house for a little while and were into our new house up north. Most of our valuables had been moved but definitely not everything. Most specifically I had a lot of my military gear including body armor still in the house.

So like a red blooded Texan, i armed my self and drove to the house that had reportedly been ransacked. I was blazing mad that i hadn't been contacted by the police about the incident.

I slid into the driveway went through the front door (which had apparently not been the entry point) with my shotgun in hand and cleared the house room by room. I didn't find anything wrong with the place and found no broken windows or kicked in doors. What little stuff i had at the house was untouched. There definitely was not a robbery at the place and i was very confused.

Long story shortened, there is a difference between a robbery occurring at 2500 oak st. and on the 2500 block of oak st. My neighbors got hosed, not only did they get robbed they got to see their neighbor enter his house like he was on the SWAT team and walk out with vest and helmet.

Predator

Don "The Predator" Frye, a man renown for one of the world's greatest mustaches, has recently added another line to his stunning resume.

-UFC Champion
-Pride Fighting Championship competitor
-Star of Godzilla films
-Japanese Pro-Wrestling star
-Advice Columnist?
Frye is now penning a column for the IFL helping out the dear abby crowd
my favorite line so far-


"When she comes over to your house you give her the wine and the chocolates. Watch how excited she gets. Once she’s in a good mood you give her two choices: either go out to a strip club or stay in and some watch some fights.

Either way, it should be a pretty good night."




Timeless advice

Here a clip of the man in action.

Giver

I'm not in what would be described as a giving stage of my life. At least in the monetary sense of the word. My personal donations at best are contributions to my own retirement rather than orphans. I don't feel bad about this for many reasons, one of which is my vehicle doesn't have automatic locks or windows. If I am too cheap to buy these things for myself you really shouldn't expect much out of my scrooge ass.

And on that note for people who have evolved past my present situation. I found a really awesome website recently Donors Choose. It sets specific donations to help out teachers. It doesn't go to a school budget or through any other feeder. Its like a donation to a single classroom for a computer or a blackboard. It is also configurable to assign where you are sending the donation, so you can support the local booger-pickers so maybe they wont steal your car in 10 years. The amount of money is low but is much more specific and meaningful to the giver and the receiver.

Like i said before i wont be giving any money, but if you know people who are looking for a tax write off or maybe a teacher who needs some help for the classroom pass it along.

Head-On

Well for my initial post i would like to first thank, the beer man for accepting my application for internship, despite the misspelled words and one mustard stain of unknown origin.

I will start this new era with a an ovation to something that i love and admire, "a good head butt"

Normally reserved for cheap shots artists and Scotsman, the Glasgow kiss has a warm spot deep in the cockles maybe even the sub cockles of my heart.
To learn proper form on the headbutt please head on over to slate where the explainer piece describes correct form and follow through.

I would like to finish this piece with the most famous head butt of recent memory that made me smile and almost give Zidane credit for the 2002 cup win.

Pardon me while I whip this out

So last Friday (2/2/07) I got a group together for my annual dose of Spike & Mike's Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation. For the past couple of years I have been getting groups together to grab some beers and laughs while watching crude, lascivious, and often violent cartoons. This year the group was made up of myself, Michelle (my bu), Lindsey, Shan, Megan, Kacie, and Anthony. Before every show, the hosts like to get the crowd involved and riled up for the coming craziness. When they asked for volunteers from the audience, I was pushed out of my seat toward the stage... by my girlfriend. Now that's love.

I'm a veteran, so I knew what was coming would be perverse. In the past the volunteers played games like ring toss onto the giant inflatable penis, eat the pie from between the thighs, or just flat out shotgun some beers (which I lost last year due to technicalities.... grrrrr, makes Cody angy to think of it). Well, we were at the early show, so people weren't as drunk as they should have been (I slammed my first beer on the way to the stage). The total number of volunteers from a nearly full theater was 2, me and this older lady. The game that was picked for us to play was tug-a-war. "Simple and childish " you may say? True, but in this case we could only use our thighs to hold the tether and instead of a rope, they had a 20" double-headed rubber dildo. How did it go? I won of course! See for yourself:

I found out on Monday that a friend of mine was in the audience that I didn't see. She took video of the event and that's how I got the proof of my "victory"(?). Afterwards, the show started, beers were consumed, and laughs were had by all. For my exploits I was given 2 sets of free passes to the Drafthouse... which will only lead to more posts like this no doubt. Dr. Tran better watch out...

there's another action star handing out American Dickings. Rocco's in town!